Cancer is awful!

I had no other idea for todays title.

Over the past couple of weeks, we have been hit with the Cancer bomb.
Its awful!

Johns dad went into hospital last Monday with a suspected Gall Bladder problem. A few tests, CAT scan etc and they found a growth on his heart and spots on his liver. They managed his pain and he went home (I think he would of been chomping at the bit to leave).

Last night, we got the call that the biopsies were back etc and the cancer is EVERYWHERE. Not only that, but poor dad has Rheumatoid arthritis too. I am slowly falling apart while trying to hold everyone up (John, his brother, Johns aunt). I know that there could be years, weeks or even months left and am trying to focus on the long term (him being here for xmas etc) because while I am grieving, he isnt dead yet lol.
I am also feeling a wee bit selfish at how I am feeling. He isnt MY dad, and this isnt MY family (ya know), so why am I sad and feeling like everything is falling apart around us?


I feel for mum as I have no idea what they are going through. They have been married for 32+years and together for longer. They have also just gone through a family death a few months ago. 


While I SHOULD be doing my blog challenge and catching up, its the last thing on my mind at the moment.


Okay, Im off to stoke the fire and make a cuppa and gorge myself on chocolate while deciding on what to make for dinner.


Happy Friday everyone
xoxoxo

Happy Tuesday! #BlogChallenge

I have a few posts that I need to catch up on today......

Photo as a child
I dont have a photo of me as a child.....unless I turn my house upside down looking for one (and the chances of finding one is pretty slim)...sorry people.

Most Recent Words of Wisdom?
We are going through some major stuff at the moment. I think the most recent words of wisdom given to me has been "Don't be afraid to ask for help"
I have had a pretty bad upbringing and had to rely on myself for everything, so it is hard for me to swallow my pride and ask for help. Whether it is support I need or something else, I find it super hard to ask for help or to accept any form of help.

The next posts are from bloggers....


When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Hannah @ Baby Knows Best
Ohhhh this is a hard one.....I wanted to be so many things when I grew up.
I wanted to play Saxophone.
I wanted to be a teacher (primary/kindergarten)
I wanted to be a vet
I wanted to be a nurse
I wanted to be a mechanic
I think I have FINALLY settled on being a mum.


Favorite Blog Post you've written before this challenge. Alecia @ Chicken Scratch NY
I have a lot of favourite Blog Posts.
I wrote a post about how petty and horrible some women can be. I was very angry after years and years of harrassment and bullying. They had attacked me left right and center and I really should have left, but there were some really nice genuine people on there. I didnt name names, I didnt even put up links etc, but my blog had the most views and it still does on that one post.
I wrote a post about how PC we are becoming and its taking all the fun away from things and about how competitive people are now.


Favorite eco-friendly thing to do. Shai @ The Vagabond Studio
I dont see myself as an Eco-Friendly person....I do stuff because it makes sense to do it.
I turn off taps so they dont drip
I turn off lights to save power
We have a compost and a vege garden (although its not really a garden at the mo)
I just do stuff.


Ok...now for my post
We are going through some stuff at the mo, I dont particularly feel like doing the blog challenge anymore. I am going to keep doing it though as I am doing it for ME and not anyone else. It will also keep me occupied.
Today is a wet cold day. The kids are off at school. Declan got "star of the day" yesterday and has a few more newbies started. Andrew is doing pretty well too. John is out in the wop wops working today (in the rain etc) and we have Johns younger brother staying with us at the mo while hes on holiday.
Thats pretty much it. I want to spend some money, but we are flat broke til John gets paid and the credit card doesn't look too healthy lol, so most likely catching up on blogging and watching MySky stuff.


Much love
xoxoxo

Something you are proud of the last few days #summerblog19

Today is something you're proud of (hence the title)

I have heaps of things I'm proud of from the last few days.
To other people, they are silly things. To me, they are important.

1. I cooked a FANTASTIC pickled pork in my slow cooker on Saturday night. I had it with honey glazed yams and mixed veges. I found a recipe online (thank you iPod) and we had Johns nana for dinner before we went out to the movies and she babysat the kids for us.
2. I got us a great trailer of wood. Its a little trailer, but the wood is a great mix and dry.
3. I got the kids to help tidy the lounge on Saturday
4. Apart from a few baskets of laundry that need folding (the sock basket and my clothes), I am UP TO DATE and we have an extra couch to sit on!
5. I have done some dusting.
6. I am slightly more organised than I used to be
7. I got up at 7am this morning and did my dishes while I waited for the kids to get up (and our visitors to get up)

As you can see, I have a lot to be proud of.
Thank you to Kassandra Groll who put this as a summer blog challenge.


Today is a surprisingly warm day. Slight breeze which is chilly, but there is NO condensation on the windows and the house is all open to air. Its Tuesday so I have to pick up Johns nana (why do I say that?) from grocery shopping in a few hours. I bought Fifty Shades of Grey last week and lent it to her to read and then got told its NOT a suitable book for her to be reading. I really didnt think it was that bad, but I was informed that its quite raunchy and has BDSM in it etc. So if she skips all that stuff, there probably isnt much of the book left to read lol.


Anyway, have laundry in the machine and dishes to dry now.
Much love

Summer blog #15 - #18

Photos I am proud of
I take a lot of photos and am proud of every one I take. 
Here a few:

My baby, Tungsten. She is a whopping Great Dane/Bull Mastiff cross and about 6years old.

Muffins I made John. 

Mr Andrew Pants 

Declan

The boys eating muffins for breakfast.

I don't have a lot of pics of John as he doesn't like to have his photo taken and there aren't alot of me either as I'm the one behind the lens lol.

Fitness guru or Couch potato?

I'm not one or the other, I'm both! I can go days without going to the gym and I can go days of nothing but the gym. I'm not going to lie and say I LOVE THE GYM, because I don't.....I also can't sit around home and do nothing either. I have SADD. Its Seasonal Depression and when Im feeling a bit blue, I get up of my butt and go to the gym. I'm lazy though, if I don't go to a gym class then I only do about 10mins at a time.

3 things I am proud about my personality?

Um......Can I answer this some other time?

A recipe you love

I have a recipe that I use all the time. Its so basic and easy and its my go to recipe when I feel like something healthy, but something easy too.

I buy Healthy Food Guide magazine and belong to their Facebook Group and also have their website Healthy Food Guide as a back up on my computer/iPod Touch/Johns Laptop 

I use 5pm Panic! for a lot of meals when I meal plan etc and its really good. Okay, heres the recipe:

http://www.healthyfood.co.nz/recipes/2008/october/tortellini-bake

Tortellini Bake

Ingredients

• 2 x 300g packets fresh meat-free tortellini pasta
• large jar tomato pasta sauce
• bag baby spinach, chopped
• 180g reduced-fat ricotta
• 1/2 cup shredded reduced-fat mozzarella

Instructions

Preheat oven to 220°C. 

Spoon pasta into a 7 cup-capacity baking dish. 

Add sauce and spinach. Mix to combine. 

Spoon into a 7-cup capacity baking dish. 

Top with crumbled ricotta and mozzarella.

Bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes or until bubbling around the edges. 

Garnish with parsley.

Anyway, its a fab cold day. The fire is going yet again, there is snow on the hills behind my house. I have my brother and his work mate coming for dinner and to crash on the couch.

Happy Monday

xoxoxo

ARG! 15 tips on life? #blogchallenge day 14

Today I am meant to write 15 tips to help fellow bloggers in life. This challenge is a CHALLENGE! It is making me think outside the box and look inside ME!

These are my tips as cliched as they sound so bear with me :)

1. Smile. Because you never know who needs it and who will be watching
2. Dress like every day is a date. It makes you feel fab (and you never know who you will bump into)
3. Eat the Tim Tam. If you don't, it will be FIVE Tim Tams tomorrow
4. Laugh, laugh and laugh some more
5. Cry, cry and cry (if your going to, it means you need to)
6. Watch that Twilight movie (or any cheesy movie)
7. If those dishes need doing and you don't want to, JUST wash the plates :)
8. Ask for help. People might not always be there, but you asked and that is what matters
9. Get a pet....a cat, a dog, a rat etc it doesn't matter.
10. Go to church (if you're a church person), you need the people more than you will realise
11. Have a PJ day. Dvds, fire, blanket, snacks and PJs
12. Stop making excuses. If you don't want to do something, just say it :)
13. That 10min walk the drs advise, really does WORK
14. If you want it, and there is nothing stopping you....go get it!
15. Try and live life like there is no tomorrow......sometimes its the kick you need.

I think that's it! Other than the age old "be true to yourself" because really if you can't be true to yourself, then who can you be true with? 

I'm at home watching Suburgatory on the My Sky with the fire going thinking that I need to buy food because of course I didn't yesterday.......so I'm going to love you and leave you now.

Happy Thursday Arvo

Much Love

xoxoxo

Where am I at the end of the year? #blogchallenge day13

I have so many things that I would like at the end of the year. Its the same goals I have at the start of the year lol, its just that things crop up and my goals get pushed to the back burner.
I have things like a new kitchen on my list etc, but thats not really where I would be is it?

30kg lighter would be nice (ok yup.......)
travelling (ummmm)
working (working on that one)

The stuff thats on my "to do" list is

New kitchen
travelling (or at least a family holiday)
renovations on the house (at least start that)
a full re paint of the house (inside)
the outside needs finishing (painting)
the yard cleaned up
doing up the boys bedrooms (thats a dream)

I just want to be the person that I used to be (well ok I AM that person, but I need work).

I think the hardest thing about doing this challenge is that I have spent a lot of my life trying to please others and being shot down, bullied, taken for granted etc that I just don't know what to do when I have to think of the positive things in my life or think about ME for a change. I am writing this as I have a cuppa before going to my weekly church group (and then hopefully do the grocery shopping) and no doubt I will remember so much more once I click on the "post" button.

So how do YOU see yourself at the end of the year?

Much Love
xoxoxo

Best Day of My Life/Worst Injury

Best Day of My Life
I have a lot of days that I would call the best day of my life.

The day I gave birth to Andrew was a good day....although when I reflect on it, it was one of the WORST days of my life followed by more days that I would love to erase (but I want to keep the baby that I had lol).
The day I gave birth to Declan was a good day...better than Andrews birth and the days after were better too...although now, that perfect baby is a hyperactive 5yo lol.
I bought a house
I got married (and even though I can look back on that day and wish for something better, I am happy that I got married....and the GROOM was late!)
Those are a few days that I would consider the best in my life. Its really hard to sit and write about them and narrow it down to just ONE day. They are all good in ways, but shadowed by regret in others (that makes me sound like an ungrateful horrible person).
Ok Im moving on now hehe

Worst Injury
I dont actually have a worst injury (unless giving birth counts). I have never broken anything, fractured anything, been admitted to hospital for treatment (except for when I got my tonsils out and had the kids). Im a healthy person with no injuries (fingers crossed it continues).

Right O thats the summer challenge done! Time for an update on us :)

Today is a CRAPPY day! We woke up to rain, wind and a cold day. I have been ringing around for firewood because we are running out (John said, not to worry about getting wood because he would get it....I should have known better and we have also been screwed around by people I thought were friends who said they would help us out in summer). Lesson learned? Dont ask for help because in most cases you dont get it and then when people ask you for help and you say no, they seem to think its ok to bitch about you not helping them.....yeah life sucks arse. Im am SO not elaborating on this lol
I have the kids at school. John is at work and Im just wasting time at home before I go have a coffee with Johns nana in town (which I dont actually want to do, because its warmer in my house for a change).
I have bills coming out my ears and stress up to my eyeballs. Im one of those people where a fallen tic tac is enough to make me spazz out and stress and worry and I have no idea how to get around that. It creates a monster.

Enough of me spazzing out....time to go and do a clean up and go meet Nana for a cuppa in town.

Have a great day.
Much Love

Guilty Pleasure/Cooking Disaster/Famous Art

Today I have THREE updates for the blog challenge.....my fault for slacking (and John being home yesterday)

Guilty Pleasure


What is my guilty pleasure?
This was hard, but watching telly with the kids yesterday I got my guilty pleasure....
I may be 28yo, but I love watching Disney movies, Disney channel, High School Musical etc and Trashy reality shows (think Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2, 16 and pregnant). I had a crap childhood. I didn't get to watch much cartoons etc and I didn't get to go out to town or have friends over. I was also robbed of my teen years (although I try not to think about it that way) so I am still growing up now. So, while I am doing my blog update, I am watching Adventure Time (even though its really dumb).

Cooking Disaster


I had to ask John for help on this one. His answer? My pasta bake!
A few years ago, I made a Pasta Bake for dinner. The instructions on the sauce jar said "Place uncooked pasta in dish" so I did. I cooked it for the stated time and put cheese on top and then pulled it out and dished it up for dinner. The pasta DID NOT cook! It was raw, hard, crunchy and in the end we made toast (I think)...this is something John and his brother will not let me forget (a long with a lot of other things). John said this is my disaster...he will eat most things I cook, but this he didn't. Since then I have pre cooked the pasta for my pasta bake. So when there are instructions, you don't always have to follow them lol

Famous Art


Im not one for art, but my walls are covered in what I call "famous" art work. Andrew and Declans stuff is all over my walls, my pantry, up the hall way etc. I also have boxes and boxes of their art in cupboards. I have certificates on the wall too. With the kids art, I also have Johns National Certificate. These are my famous art works. I would like to say that if money was no option, I would hang a Mona Lisa or something but I wouldn't. I have no idea what is art and what isn't, I also have no idea on what is famous or worth money.

So there you have it.....my guilty pleasure, my cooking disaster and my famous art on the wall. I had a few days to think about all this and I still needed some help.

The kids have come in looking for food (even though they got two helpings of breakfast not even 1hour ago)...better go.

Happy Sunday
Much Love
xoxoxo

Summer Blog Challenge Week One

I found a Blog Challenge and although its Winter in little ol NZ (New Zealand), I thought it would be a great thing to do to get out there and have something to do over the gloomy days.

Its already 6 days in, but Im starting from the beginning.....here goes

Why are you doing this challenge.
I am doing this challenge for myself and to get out there in the blogging world. More for myself.

Post a picture of you smiling.

This is me on Monday 4th June 2012 the day after I got my hair cut

15 interesting facts about yourself

• I like to read
• I like to watch movies
• Im a secret Fan Girl
• I have two children (Andrew 8yo and Declan 5yo)
• I live in a little town called Masterton, Wairarapa in New Zealand
• I go to church
• Im 28yo in August and I only got my second stage driver licence last July
• I am a list freak
• Sometimes I feel that my life is not as exciting as other peoples (especially when I read blogs)
• I spend a lot of time on Pinterest
• I want to travel the world, but have a fear of flying
• I collect things
• I started to scrapbook and have only done ONE layout in 5years lol
• I dont drink alcohol and when I do, its only 1-2drinks in a blue moon
• I have been with my best friend for nearly 10years and we are still in as much love as when we first met.

Meaning behind your blog name.

There isn't really a meaning behind my name. 7 years ago, I was just starting out on my own with my husband (we only just got together) and I baked and cooked and even though I had some slight depression, I had a zest for life. Over the years, I lost my zest for life and now I want to get it back again. My blog is about me having to answer to myself every day so I try to achieve something so I have something to post about.

Short term goals for this month and why those goals

• To try and be more organised (my house is pretty small and cluttered with toys etc everywhere and dishes on the bench lol)
• Do more with my boys (they are currently in an After School Program to interact with other children)
• TBC (because this is very hard)

Nicknames you have & why you have them.

I don't really have any nicknames....I have lots from my childhood, but I that isn't my life anymore and the people that gave them to me aren't people I talk to anymore.

Picture of something that makes you happy.

This is a pic of my family and my brothers family.

Thank you for letting me take part in the blog challenge

Much Love

xoxoxo

Start of a new week.......

Declan got sick last week. The day before he started school.....
He would cry out whenever I cleaned his nose or got him to blow it and then started to not listen and turn things up again.

I took him in for a check up with the nurse this morning before school, and the LEFT grommet has all but fallen out and the RIGHT ear is so full of fluid etc, that it "may or may not" pop. My poor school boy is still having ear issues and I cant do anything to help him.

On a positive note, welcome to new followers and dont forget to check out Nicole

Im laxing in front of the fire today....Declan has an after school group to go to at 4pm which is something my church started last year to get the neighbour hood kids out and about, so will update on that tomorrow. In the mean time, Im off to do some time sucking with some link goodness.

Much love
xoxoxo

Welll........

It has certainly been a while!

John got sent to AKL again for 3 nights! The joys of working for a huge company lol and being the safety officer! I am sooo proud of him...and did I mention, he got head hunted? AGAIN

Andrew had another birthday and I couldn't believe (like every year) that he is growing so fast!
He wanted his very own party so invited TWO friends lol and had a quiet day at home in front of the fire, playing lego and watching movies.

Declans school days were fast approaching and before I knew it, his visit was here. I had to scramble to get his shoes, stationary, rest of his uniform, a new bag etc etc etc oh and the birthday present. His last day of Kindy/Daycare came around not long after and it was an emotional day for ME and the teachers.
Im on Johns laptop (again) so will have to put up the pics some other time.
He started SCHOOL this week and has settled in fast and well and his hyper-activity was a HUGE worry to me, but his teacher seems to have sorted this out her way (which is great).
The parents are very snobby lol......but thats something Im going to have to face. Either he went to Andrews school and got bullied etc or he went to a better school and I have no parental friends there lol.

John has been working hours and hours and hours and is very tired and stressful and sometimes I look forward to being asleep when he gets home, but I miss him terribly when hes not here. I miss not having someone to share my night with and going to bed alone. I miss everything when John is at work at night and I worry that hes not looking after himself with all these hours he is doing.

ooooh I have some bloggy linky goodness before I forget

I heart Organizing and everything on her site lol
I heart Organizing projects
Pinterest
Googie momma

I have heaps more, but again Im on Johns laptop so havent book marked them lol

Much Love
xoxoxo