On Tuesday, we got the call we had been waiting for. It came sooner than we expected and we were NOT ready for it even though we knew it was coming.

After 5months, Johns dad lost his battle to cancer.

I feel the need to blog. I feel isolated and lost. 

I have to tell my two children who love him like crazy and everytime I think about that, I cry.

I am heartbroken for John and his mum and the kids.

I also feel like its been a life time even though it was only two days ago.

I have to say thank you to my friend who helped me take the call from John. 

She is a rock. She helped me sort out John, his nana (who came to look after Declan), and she offered to take Andrew for me so he would still go to school.

I need to say thank you to the staff at Palmerston North Hospital in Ward 23 and 28 for looking after Johns mum and dad. They are fantastic people up there. They were also fantastic when we all sat and said our good byes for HOURS.

I really didnt think this was going to happen so soon. He is a stubborn man with pride and all I could think was "he will fight this in true Wayne fashion"

Apart from having to be there for Ma and John, the hardest thing I did was go and get Johns brothers from the Hospital door and take them up to their dad. I thought I would be ok doing that, so John could stay with his mum while she sat with dad.....it was very hard.

The other hardest thing I will HAVE to do (because I have no choice in this) is telling my kids about their grandad and I dont know how. I procrastinated telling them about his illness, and I cant procrastinate about this one.

You may not have been my dad Wayne, but I love you like you are.

Much Love 

XOXOXO