2 birthdays in 10 days

John and I had awesome timing with our boys.

They are 3 years 10 days apart!

In our house for the past 5 (almost 6) years, Andrew has had the cake, party (joint mind you) and present.

This year, Andrew got his OWN party and now Declans birthday has snuck up on me once again.

I have realised that next Monday is in 3 sleeps and I have NOTHING planned for Declan again.

I have a family dinner for 1 June where my brother and his family will be here to do the present thing for the boys and that is it.

Poor Declan

On top of all that, we have just gotten a diagnosis for Mr Dec of ADHD and we are day 3 into medication for him and he is not taking that very well.

The first day he took his top up pill, he thunder chucked outside his classroom.

The second day, he was too scared to take his morning pill in the fear that he would be sick again.

This is the third day and so far, he seems ok.

I hate that I have to medicate him and hate how he is feeling in that little body of his.

Not only does he feel sick and is scared of taking his pill in the fear of hurling it back up, his brain is still going 100km and his body wont let him do what his brain says to.

So on top of the birthday guilts, I feel awful for doing this to him.

I know that with his diagnosis he NEEDS the medication, but as a parent I don't want to do it.

I better go before I start babbling and then I will probably cry all over the lap top.

I hope you all had a fab week and have a great weekend.

12WBT Week Two!

So it is officially 1.5wks since I started this.

Today was weigh in day (like every Wednesday).
I have a total of 2.9kg loss so far to date.

I am still finding it hard! I still have the headaches, tiredness, mood swings etc that no one told me about.
I cry or I yell. I curl up on the couch with John at night and fall asleep on his lap. I wake up and feel like I want to puke.
I have no energy.

I know, this is NOT what you want to hear if you are following my journey, but I am truthful. I can't go RAH RAH RAH THIS IS GREAT if I don't feel that way. I am tired and thirsty and can't concentrate and I'm hungry!
John says it will all pass, but I need to keep going. I intend to keep going, but this is NOT what I wanted to have and I hate feeling this way only 1.5wks into the challenge.

I pop my back out during workouts (which is painful since I have a back injury lol)
I hurt and I ache and I don't have the get up and go to jump through a workout or go from lunges to burpees.
In fact, Im pretty sure my pelvic floor muscles are WEAKER now than when I started lol. What with all the jumping and lunging and squating and burpees etc lol I am not surprised.

The upside?

My tummy is shrinking! Yes, it is actually disappearing on me.
My jeans are falling down! But I am still a wee bit big for the next size down.
My water intake is triple what it usually was! And I pee less
My grocery budget is cheaper! Because John and the kids are eating the same as me for dinner (John is doing lunch and dinner).
I feel great after a workout! And I get to do the laundry etc (after sitting on my kaboosh most of the day holding my eyes open)

So while I feel like utter crap and I am emotional and crabby, there are some upsides.

This really is HARD. No one told me how hard it was going to be, so I am telling you.
Its a huge emotional road. What you see on The Biggest Loser show, is pretty much how it is when you cut your food down and exercise every day!
I chose the weight loss plan and I get a 1200 calorie allowance each day and I have 45mins of exercise PLUS the things we do each day that we don't think about.

I need to get lunch and then I have an appt to get my butt to today....

Much Love
xoxo

My Child, You may not know me,

I went to church today! Ok, not a proper service, but my church holds a Wednesday coffee group type thing and I went to that.

I woke up and took Andrew to school, Declan to daycare, went to see John and drop some stuff off to him at work and I carried on to the supermarket to the ATM and get our groceries.

I looked at the clock and it was 9.56am and I thought "Oh I possibly couldnt have done my shopping in 30mins and have it all in the car" so I decided to go up to the other supermarket and get my bread and milk etc. 

Somehow I ended up driving right past the shop and further down the road, through the Stop sign and carried on to the other end of town. Before I knew it, I was pulling up in the church carpark and went in to see everyone.

Pastor Raewyn was explaining that this year is different and we have goals etc for our Wednesday group and then said she would read us a letter.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

As I sat there listening to Pastor read the letter, I had tears struggling to be released. I struggled to let them do what they wanted (as usual) and in the end I let them flow. I always feel so silly crying at church, but as I keep getting told, it is Gods way of releasing the pain and letting it go free. It is Gods way of talking to us and saying that everything is going to be ok if we just let things happen the way they are meant to.

As I told everyone I was ok, my dear friend Violet said that people who are "fine" dont cry and to let it out and do what God has planned for me. I had so much to let go that I thought I had already let go, but it was still there. Stress, grief, frustration etc. I forgot how much I miss my church family and how important they are to me in my life and how important the Lord is too. 

The lovely Pastor Rik came in for something and my magnet must be strong, because he bee lined his way to me and just like everyone else, his touch on my shoulder just made me cry again and put a sense of calm over me.

I miss my family. I miss having people who care about me in my life. I miss just having people to see and not having to say a word to them. 

Although my things seem so silly to me compared to other people, I know that when I go to church, that my things are important and I need to release them to the Lord and others to help me live the life I should be living.

I hope that someone has read this blog post and taken in what I have said and what the letter means. What I got out of the letter is NOT what you will get out of it. It was written to everyone for everyone and will mean something different to everyone.

Much love,

xoxoxo